Made this cake a while ago, absolutely delicious. Andrew's grandparents have an orchard and give us bags and bags of yummy apples. Lately, with my budget being very, very small when it comes to groceries I've been eating oatmeal with brown sugar and sliced apples. Scrumptious!

I've already given up on NaNoWriMo for this year. Life's too crazy and I'm too melancholy. I don't know why I'm slowly descending into depression, perhaps the infamous rain and grey skies? It just makes it so much more beautiful when the sky is clear and the air is crisp, without the wind.

Andrew and I are...something? Co-pilots in ridiculous crime. I choose not to think too much about it.

Tessa's heart is broken. Bee's (probably) moving to Portland. Tom's somewhere in San Francisco completely broke. I don't know where anyone else is out in the world. Existing, independently. I'm applying to USM - Bee is, too.

I missed your skin when you were east, you clicked your heels and wished for me.

So. I have myself a co-pilot, Andrew. He's adorable and lovely and we have dinosaur battles. He's also my housemate. Hmm. We are "co-pilots" because I am terrified of commitment and therefore I don't enjoy being a girlfriend and I don't want a boyfriend. Co-pilot is a much better term - we're in it together, mostly as equals and we work without the scariness of looming commitments.

I'm so confused. I'm just going to go with it, though. Carpe diem and all that.

I picked up Zeitoun by Dave Eggers and I haven't been this excited in YEARS I swear. I will write a huge-normous review of it after I'm done. It's written in a totally different style from both A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius and You Shall Know Our Velocity. Different but still very enjoyable.

Seattle is amazing! It's already snowed back East, while the leaves are still crunchy and red on the ground here. It's 55 F outside right now! FANTASTIC!

Alice in Wonderland for Halloween. If my ulcer doesn't make me completely incapable of moving by then.

It's not just me without you, it's me without your smiles, the roughness of your fingertips - oddly contrasting the soft expanse of skin, your forearm, the back of your hand - against my cheek, my wrist. It feels like detoxing from the worst sort of addiction. I can only half claim to know what it's like the constant buzz and hum and whisper of something chemical underneath my skin. You're the cigarette filter against my lips, falsely protecting me from the tar of the world.

I'm strung out here, laying on my bed wrapped in loose pajamas and too thin blankets.

All I've had is coffee. Sticky film on my teeth sugarsweet.

I can't even bring myself to say I miss you.

I miss you.

 

I'm surrounded by impostors. Blonde bombshell bland. They're not you. You, you you.

I apply to 5-15 jobs a day. Yet, still, nothing. I need a job.

My car went into the dealer today ($500), had an adventure on the King County Metro system ($3.00). I'm going to pick it up tomorrow and then going to Ethan's house to finish up the painting. I'm so excited! I think it's sort of addicting, really. It's rather self indulgent. I don't mind.

Mum sent a care package today - complete with a tub of Fluff! It doesn't really exist out here, they have "marshmallow creme" but it's not the same. AND SHE SENT WHOOPIE PIES. No Mainer is complete without a whoopie pie to look forward to.

I've never actively had to look for a job, they just seem to come to me. Seattle's quite a bit different - I've applied to 100+ jobs and gotten 2 responses, both stating that they'd found someone else. I'm not giving up hope, I've still got enough money for next months rent but after that...

I'm posing for a painter tomorrow for a little bit of cash. Let's hope he's not a serial killer!

I'm going to do NaNoWriMo this year and commit to it. I've tried the past 4 or so and given up a couple days in. I've always had a library of ideas to fall back on and now it seems like it's been cleared out. Which is probably bad?

I might write more fic at some point. Maybe.

Long time no write, eh?

I'm in Seattle, Washington. It's strange to think that two months ago I had no idea I'd be here, sitting in the basement of a 3 story house on 20th avenue. I still don't know my way around the city.

Let me tell you of my epic journey - I drove here. From Maine. Alone.

Averaging about 12-13 hour days, here is a short version of my adventure.

First day (a Monday) - Calais, Maine to Rochester, New York. I couchsurfed and met AWESOME people everywhere I went. In Rochester I stayed with Leigh, a cellist.

Tuesday - Rochester, New York to Madison, Wisconsin. Here I got ridiculously lost after crossing The Great Divide, or Indiana as some say. I didn't get into Madison until about 11 or so (which is 12 EST). I stayed with Brian who drove around his apartment complex beeping his horn until I could hear him. Like I said, these people are amazing.

Wednesday - Madison, Wisconsin to Fargo, North Dakota. Now, Fargo is a strange place right on the border of Moorhead, Minnesota. You don't actually KNOW you're in North Dakota unless someone tells you. I stayed with Daniel and Raj, two of the most amazing people I've ever met. I got the feeling that Daniel was actually my soul mate in disguise, however I was only there one night and so I didn't say anything/act on my intuition. Though looking back, soulmates don't happen too often. I went to a little backyard party with them in Moorhead to crowd around a newly built firepit. We stayed up until 2 or 3 smoking weed and chilling. I woke up at 7 and was on the road by 7:30. I know, I'm insane.

Thursday - Fargo, North Dakota to Bozeman, Montana. Those of you who have never been to Montana - don't go. It's weird, bare and empty. And has fires! I was diverted off of I-90 into the tiny town of Columbus, Montana by police. There was a wildfire happening on the other side of the mountain right next to the interstate! Ash was falling from the sky! APOCALYPSE, anyone?! I-90 west and east were shut down, as well as the only other road to get out of the town. I was stuck there for 3 hours. I must say that the people were extremely nice, dealing with a surplus (probably 100+) of people flooding their town. They set up a free lemonade stand and gave out cookies for 10 cents. I finally got back on I-90 at 8 or so, arriving in Bozeman at 11 (1 EST). I stayed with Lucas in his dorm apartment. He made me really, really awesome coffee.

Friday - Bozeman, Montana to Seattle, Washington! No real epicness happened on the last leg of the journey. I found the house pretty easily, set up my bed, and slept.

I definitely recommend CouchSurfing to anyone traveling. 1) It's free! 2) You meet awesome people. 3) You'll get a different tour of the city/town than if you were to play "tourist" properly. People always know what bars, restaraunts, etc. are really good.

I have yet to find a job. I have enough money to last for another 2 months rent and then...who knows.

I just thought I'd update for the sake of updating.

:)

Leaving tomorrow, 9 A.M.

According to my newly acquired GPS (I named it FrankFrank because well, TomTom? Really, now.) it should only take about 6 and a half hours to get there. That's without the frequent coffee stops I have to take. Soo...I'm estimating about 7 and a half hours. Ugh.

Packing sucks. A lot.

Know what else sucks? That I'll only get about a half hour of internet time every other day. So. I'm bookmarking tomorrows dotcoms_refresh so that I'll know where I left off when August comes around and DAMN that will be awesome. Two months worth of fic I haven't read.

And I need a beta =[

I accidentally-sort-of went on a trip to Boston last night? What the hell? I live about 8 hours away from it.

My friend picked up me at 6:30 to go see a friend. We meant to go to Bangor, really, we did, but it was 8:00 by the time we got there and I wanted Starbucks (they don't exist up here!) and goddammit they were all closed. So we headed to Portland, got there at 11:00 or so - all the Starbucks I could find were closed. Is nothing 24 hour anymore?!

So off to New Hampshire we went. Everything was closed. We got to Boston at 4 A.M. I got my Starbucks and we slept in my friends car for an hour or so in a Wal Mart parking lot. We found a bunch of RVs and...well. The most amazing thing ever. There was a family from Minnesota sitting there in the dark, somewhere on the outskirts of Boston at the crack of dawn playing music. Cellos, fiddles and guitars, and they sang. It was the highlight of my week.

I have so, so much to pack.

Title: Texts From Last Night
Pairing: Brendon/Ryan (minor, minor Spencer/Jon)
Rating: G?
Disclaimer: Not mine and never, ever, ever happened.
Summary: My solution to writers block - writing a week in the (AU College) life of PATD. Inspired by the website texts from last night.
Word count: 1843
Completely un-beta'd.

Camping trip to Orland!

Graduated 23rd in my class Sunday. It's really, really weird...

I leave the 19th or 20th for camp. Aaaahh!

I'll be back Thursday.

Title: Late Dawns, Early Sunsets
Pairing: [MCR] Frank/Gerard, [PATD] Brendon/Ryan ([FOB] implied Pete/Patrick)
Rating: PG-13 (this chapter) - R (later chapters)
Disclaimer: Not mine and never, ever, ever happened.

So, first of all. Real life things - an article about Nicky's death. This is the only one I can find that is accurate. A lot of other places say that he had a suspended license which is complete bullshit, as he wasn't legally allowed to get one. So. Fuck reporters for getting things wrong.

I have four more days of school left, consisting of exams.
1 - English, 2 - Government + Independent Study Architectural Design, 3 - Writing Workshop, 4 - Math + Student Mentoring

I graduate the 7th. Everything feels really, really unreal right now.

I'm leaving again to work at a summer camp the 20th. I'll be there through the end of August. I'm both excited and anxious. I worked there all last summer and it's awesome, like...the best experience ever. It's just that there's a lot of new staff this year and I don't know how we'll all mesh together in such close quarters.

Secondly, fic recs.
My Body Doesn't Turn That Way by selectivelyurie 
Summary from author: So they're flat broke, eating microwaveable pasta, and bored out of their minds...that is until Brendon suggests playing Twister and things get interesting.

Guilty Pleasure (and sequel, Gainsay) by choclitbunny
Summary from author: When Brendon catches Ryan in a compromising position, it leads to a night of confessing some of their strangest fantasies.

It's been a long, difficult week. I feel exhausted both physically and mentally.

Met with the Navy recruiter - we decided to further pursue everything in August when I come back from my summer job. I scored a 78 on the practice ASVABs. Not too shabby.

Prom was last night. I went to the Relay for Life afterward in my prom dress with a few others. I went home at 10 and slept.

My ribs feel bruised, my cheeks hurt from smiling, and my eyes are dry and red. I miss Nicky so much. I'm still numb.

Cherry pomegranate juice stains.

A friend of mine died last night in a car crash, out in Charlotte. He was 16. It hasn't really sunk in yet. I saw him in class Friday...How is this even real?
June 7, 2008 another friend of mine (also 16) died in a crash in the same area. I don't know what or how to feel. His poor family just lost another member a week or so ago to cancer...and now, another tragedy.

R.I.P. Nick, you're in our thoughts. I'll always remember your smile and laugh.

I'm joining the Navy? What?

If I can get a medical waiver, I'm totally in. It's nothing I've ever let myself think about - I'm mostly deaf. Deaf people can't go into the military. But I've been talking to this really nice recruiter who says that depending on what I want to specialize in, and whether or not the doctors think the bone anchored hearing aid would work - they would pay for me to get it.

I've been saving for 6 years for this surgery, and I'm still $20,000 short.

If you ask anyone, I'm not very patriotic. I criticize the U.S. a lot, actually. I don't agree with a lot of our policies and foreign affairs, etc. etc. However I do believe in what the U.S. stands for, our beginning principles and the "American Dream."

I'm hopeful. Very, very hopeful.

I've basically thrown myself into a black hole of doom and despair, working 35 hours a week + school + volunteer work + LIFE IN GENERAL = multicoloured explosions.

I'm quitting in 3 weeks. Graduating. Leaving.

I just had the best potato salad ever.

I've gained a bit of weight.

Plus, I have writers block like nothing else. It's not even just fic, because I can't seem to write for any of my classes either. Lethargy?

And I think a ginger likes me. Don't get me wrong,  I have nothing against gingers. I've just never had one like me (or me liking one). And I'm seriously considering denouncing my year long celibacy. I don't really know why it's been a year. I'm cute, I'm smart...and incredibly weird. Sigh.

It's a Sunday night, yet again. What else? I actually hung out with friends last night after the hilarious mock talent show at the school. Walked around town with some friends, eventually gravitating towards weed and then...strangely, an old friend. Who was drunk on a bathroom floor.

I'm going to need so much coffee in the morning. I can't stop writing, just random things that come into my head.

I wanted you to know how much it aches

and burns, and leaves a mark

where once upon a golden time

there was no scar.

iTunes is on shuffle and I'm not even embarrassed when ABBA comes on. I feel like I've grown as a person.

A friend and I have recently been talking about her OTP - Dean/Pie. And then somehow I ended up writing.

Title: Raspberry on Your Tongue
Pairing: Dean/Pie/Sam
Rating: R
Word Count: 957

Three confirmed cases of the swine flu in southern Maine. About 6 hours away. Much, much too close for comfort. A kid in my school was sent to the hospital with "flu like symptoms" after being back from his trip to Mexico only 2 days ago.

And I have an awful cough. I'm trying, very, very hard not to give into my hypochondriac tendencies...

To distract myself, and bring the world more happiness and joy in its time of need, I come bearing recs!

I seem to have this fascination with mall-working-bandom AUs. Which King of the Rodeo by fluffontop satisfies quite nicely. Ok, perhaps I just have a fascination obsession with all AUs in general, because Cats is a Great Play by xoxomaryxoxo has Ryan as an English teacher and Brendon as what else - a theatre teacher.

Or maybe not such an infatuation as it may seem. Lingerie by animalfaces is made of WIN and PURE LACY AWESOME. I love pervy!Ryan.

I'm really, really new to bandom-fandom in general. I stumbled upon my first Frank/Gerard fic mid-January and, well, it's been a love rollercoaster ever since. In every fandom you have the WIPs that never, ever are updated. Abandoned children I like to think of them as - well, perhaps "like" isn't the right word. At all.